March 2012
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me: buys amazing sweater at goodwill, takes it home, prepares to put it in the washer
sweater: lol i'm dry clean only, shit-head
ihopericksantorum:
I hope Rick Santorum accidentally sets Internet Explorer as his default browser.
p sure he’s the sort of person who does that on purpose
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URGENT: Google privacy policy change
Just got this in an email
In just a few hours, new policies will take effect at Google, endangering your privacy.
Tech publication Gizmodo reports, “things you could do in relative anonymity today [like your web searches], will be explicitly associated with your name, your face, your phone number come March 1st.” And this applies retro-actively if you don’t act today.
You can protect...
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brienne—of—tarth ha contestado a tu publicación: so a client at work today asked me if i was…
wtf did u punch them in their goddamn face?
missedtheopportunity ha contestado a tu publicación: so a client at work today asked me if i was…
you punched that client in the face, right?
no, but i spent the rest of the session vividly imagining doing so
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so a client at work today asked me if i was retarded because i was having difficulty talking without stammering because of sleep deprivation and anxiety
people are so wonderful i love them and i wish i could interact with humans all the time
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February 2012
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youngstero:
there could be chameleons all over you right now and you’d have no idea
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The kids have it all figured out.
bmariexx:
smile-sweat-learn:
rocknrollercoaster:
One of my coworkers keeps wishing me a happy birthday, and I feel like it’s too late to be like “bro I was born in august.”
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frederickinflux ha contestado a tu publicación: sherlock fandom things that just aren’t cute…
I want to strangle the Sherlock fandom so often for so many things omg
god yes same
i mean fandom in general is rife with really awful things and badness, but the sherlock fandom just
it’s like one ridiculous reference that someone made while intoxicated and on the cesspool that is the lj...
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ancient-amateur ha contestado a tu publicación: someone pointed out that my 365-atlantic url was…
you could always do 365.5-atlantic… no, that’s kind of worse actually.
oh man i would if we could use periods in urls
then nobody would even mistake it for an address
they just
would have no idea whatsoever what this url means
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sherlock fandom things that just aren’t cute anymore, and quite possibly have never been cute:
jam
martin freeman being made of kittens (like yes it was amusing for like a week but this horse has been dead for so long that it’s indistinguishable from the soil on which it expired, and the sherlock fandom is just standing around this dirt where the horse died, beating the ground with...
someone pointed out that my 365-atlantic url was wrong because FUCKING LEAP YEAR
so i changed it to 366-atlantic
but now i don’t think people will look at it and automatically think, “oh, yes, 365 days of the atlantic ocean, delightful!~”
instead they will be like, “who lives at 366 atlantic?”
CURSE YOU, LEAP YEAR
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apparently it is possible to cough or laugh so hard that you injure the cartilage connecting your ribs to your sternum
i was just at the hospital with my mom for three hours bc she did just that
like damn ma, calm down it’s just pneumonia
there’s no need to cough like that
walk it off
gosh
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OH MY GOD I THINK MY NEIGHBOR IS ON GRINDR OH MY GOD
I MEAN I DON’T ACTUALLY KNOW ANY OF MY NEIGHBORS THAT WELL BUT THIS DUDE IS SUPPOSEDLY 179FT AWAY, THE ACCURACY IS +/- 200 FEET, AND IDK MAN THAT GOATEE LOOKS REALLY FAMILIAR
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Anonymous asked: why are you reading the confessions of saint augustine?
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holdontoyourassbutts:
Nickel Creek - Somebody...
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fallingintothedenouement:
fallingintothedenouement:
so we had 3 bottles of shampoo and 0 bottles of conditioner
then mum came home excited that she bought ten bottles of conditioner on sale
it turns out she bought shampoo
now we have 13 bottles of shampoo
and 0 bottles of conditioner
here’s another fun little tidbit
the shampoo she bought is for premium blonde to sand dune coloured...
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i could read the phone book and end up shipping the characters in it js
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pjxel:
To give that recipe an extra kick, try substituting cocaine for flour
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So I was reading the Confessions of St. Augustine,...
specifically, the “Sacrifice of Thanksgiving” chapter
and I stopped reading suddenly, a few paragraphs before the end, because my brain was like “Wait, do I actually ship this?”
Check it:
With me he now erred in mind, nor could my soul be without him.
me: idk, maybe his friend has really gr9 weed or something
Thou tookest that man out of this life, when he had...
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me: yo sis, i'm getting chinese food; what do you want?
sis: what kind of chinese?
me: what do you mean? it's chinese food. every restaurant has identical menus pretty much
sis: i mean is it good chinese?
me: dude, it's chinese food. it's like pizza; even when it's bad, it's good
sis: well what do they have?
me:
sis:
me: i'll just get you some snow peas jesus christ
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student: what the hell is MLA anyway; the teacher never even explained this shit to us, like how the fuck am i s'posed to know what MLA is
me: well, it's kind of a widely-used format in college...
student: this is fucking stupid; how am i supposed to remember where i found all this shit?
me: ...you...you don't have your sources saved?
student: i don't have "sources" i just read this shit in the book or google or whatever
me: yeah, those are sources.
student: i can't believe this asshole is making me do this MLA shit; this is just an elective class, like i'm ever gonna use this MLA shit in my life
me:
me: well actually, it's like the most widely-used format in a school like th-
student: why do i have to "cite" this shit anyway
me: plagiarism is a serious-
student: man this professor is fuckin' dumb; i'm just going to use this wikipedia page and say it's my source for everything
me: i really, strongly recommend against-
student: whatever; this is due in ten minutes; if he wants to fight about it, let 'im
me:
me:
me: /screams internally, loses all hope and dies
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ogremom:
the scene is tumblr hq. at the head of a long oak table, david karp sits deep in thought. a terrified intern carrying an armful of documents opens the door, breaking the silence.
“mr karp, i-i was told to give these to you….” the intern is scared shitless. he is wearing at least two cardigans and a pair of headphones that are not plugged into anything, but still shivers when karp looks...
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